I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
