Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
