I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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