she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
