Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
