She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
