On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
