Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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