Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
soo... how was my night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
