dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
