When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I forget how to act sober
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
