i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
