I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
