i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
