Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
