did you get engaged???
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
