so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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