highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
