I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
