so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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