i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
