somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
