i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
