Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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