i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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