I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Pants are for mortals
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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