Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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