youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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