please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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