you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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