oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
