Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
