he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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