Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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