i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
