grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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