You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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