Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
