Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
