You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
