she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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