we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
