I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
