I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
