i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
