My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
