Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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