I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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