i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
