A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
