While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
